And wrap-up

Three new posts today; this is the third.

I apparently avoided having to pack stuff up – I just woke up at 0600, put in a few things that hadn’t made it into the Limos, and climbed in. A few last pictures. Of course I wish I were still there. I get used to it, somewhat.

We had taken the drive through the dense Canadian forest and then the brisk ride across Big Whiteshell and packed our stuff onto the van by 0646. Then it was smooth, boring sailing. We stopped for dry ice in Canada while I was half-asleep, and I woke up somewhere before Fort Frances. And there was a line to get through the border. First we did some stuff at a cluster of buildings on the Canadian side, – Grandpa got his GST tax back or whatever that is – and then we joined up the queue. It was set to have ten minutes of absolute standstill followed by a minute of brisk movement and then a repeat. We joined the line at 1130 and finally got to the interrogation booth at 1230. The line was at least a mile long. (I had Aunt Ellen listen to Long Line of Cars [by Cake].) At the booth a sour-faced man gave us a stern warning that we weren’t supposed to carry all the fish back from the trip, just the share from the people in our car, and if a conservation officer caught us the fine would be $200 per fish. (We were only four over limit, so it’s not like we’d be fined for all 39 fish.) We learned that the line was due to a composite of things: construction, and an orange terror alert due to a foisted plot in England. We had lunch after a fashion at Sandy’s Place in International Falls – my burger was okay, but the older folks said the soup they got was WAY too salty – and moved on again.

Next stop of note: Eau Claire, our motel for the night. We found our rooms in the Antlers Inn (all 15 of us), and then walked to a great restaurant called Draganetti’s. Six of us ate outdoors, three indoors (the older ones), and Dave’s family had pizza at the motel. I couldn’t eat it all, but it was superb.

So now we’re back at the motel. Dad and I watched a crappy community band on community TV, and then we all watched Comedy Central for a while. I borrowed Dad’s pen from his shirt and wrote my journal. That’s all.

Here’s something that for some reason never made it to the journal. One day – maybe day 4 or 5 – Dan instituted a scheme he’d heard about for keeping bees away. What you do is fill a bottle with Kool-Aid, and then they all flock to that instead of to your drinks. So he made some and put it in a little 16-ounce water bottle, and put that on top of the disused concrete barbecue in front of Cabin 6.

The next day someone glanced over at it and noticed something decidedly strange. There was a dead mouse in the bottle. Here’s what apparently happened: It smelled or saw the Kool-Aid. Then it climbed three vertical feet up some concrete blocks. Then it somehow got in through the mouth of the bottle – and remember, this bottle’s mouth is the same size as a typical pop bottle’s – without toppling the precariously placed bottle at any point during the process. Once inside, it realized its folly, but was unable to tip the bottle over, even though it was probably at least a third of its weight. So it drowned, and we found it the next day. I’ll probably use that at some point when I eventually write books. Want something so bad, and your downfall is when you finally get it. Are animals eligible for the Darwin Awards?

And, since you’ve all been clamoring for it, here’s that picture of me that I mentioned the other day, dutifully scanned into my computer. It’s not the ideal picture (for example, much of my face is cut out and you can’t see all the tons of snow that were in my hair), but I was taking it myself with my camera at arm’s length, so I didn’t have any way to aim it just right.

File under: family · Places: Crowduck

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I loved reading your Crow Duck journal. I learned things that happened last year that I never knew about. Good Job. Signed – the worlds greatest poker player…..gpa.

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the Secondary cumpus Scandel revealer


lamont again, this time on a more serious note. After reading your post i figured i had to tell you. I go to a different school now, as you prb know. Apon arival, they asked me where i had gone to school before, i said, finneytown secondary cumpus. The school board looked at me baffled. As you may guess, ive been placed in the first grade. the credits i earned at finneytown where actually not school creds, but discount coupons for a steak dinner that expired around 97’. The math i thought i completly understood, as actually only taught to me effectively, not correctly. this to me was a total bum bum. When asked to perform simple math equations i found myself changing the subject to the weather. for instance, they asked me what 3! was in a decimal, and I asked if they had ever enjoyed a can of beans, the magical fruit. When that line doesnt work i normally throw somthing and yell “what was that?” and franticly jump out of the window. By the way, i talked to jim, the guy that did finneytowns sidewalks, and he said that the dreams were not completely broken. The truth is finneytowns teachers or “monitors” actually get paid to destroy all dream life forms, but since they can only perform this “effectively” instead of excellent, they just pave the sidewalks with the practically broken dreams to make sure that they are trapped and paved dowm forever. and then there was the prb with my gpa. It was my belief that finneytown had actually been keeping track of my grades. Turns out, my grade point was just mr. Crawleys High Score on his cell phone video game “snake”( he must suck at it). Then, like the guy on csi, i started getting suspicios. I looked for the school map Quest, but it was no where to be found. I tried to find when the school had opened up, but there was no school in Ohio under that name… thats when i realized something definatly smelled fishy. so i changed my socks and continued my research. The computer was on, and so was the simpons, thats when it came to me, What is finneytown is the worlds first humanized Skinner Box. The thought over whelmed me and i instantly fainted into a distant dream world( the ones mrs otten didnt halfway destroy). I awoke several hours later in a all white room. The government somehow knew what i had stummbled on. They told me i was the first to find out what ft really was… A monitoring psychology experiment. Thats right, all of us have made Lab rats of ourselves for as long as we have been in school. They have monitored to see what the human brain can be convinced is Reality. He told me that in the
future, Finneytown will just be a show where people think they’re just living thier lives and getting an education, while the whole world laughs at us. This is the biggest scandel that america has seen since the mob. Whats next? our Children? no.. they all ready got them… They attempted to erase my memory with the will smith stick, but a perfectly timed blink saved all my knowlege from a sure cease of existance. I must try to keep this a secret, for i fear for my life. The future of the finneytowns education is in your hands now chuck, and this time its forreal… and no free refills either. Spread the word, stand up and get out of this mind controling skinner box and revolt in the street. They thought they would get away with this, Well let it be known that they will rue this day now and forever. As for me, i must return to my post as a first grader, relearning my words and concepts, my grasp on reality is slowly tighting. the lesson plan this week is some type of alein tech called “show n tell”. I have not yet mastered the technique, but i am a level 5 shape pointer outer(not to brag). I must stay here in the dark, i must not be discovered. I must stay brave, though daymares attack my sanity at naptime, i have faith that you will pull threw the dark cave of deception into the lush meadow of flowering honesty. The search for the truth is almost over chuck, stay strong. Remember a candle flickers most violently just before it goes out. dont believe the lie sandwhiches they give you for lunch with one slice of truth, open your mouth to a delicious new mouthful of dignified truth, now in cherry, blue berry, watermelon, and sour apple flavors. Stand strong chuck, you and Keith might be the secondary cumpuses only hope. This is lamont letting you know that your school is a myth. Rodger, do you read me? rodger?! thats a big ten four… Rodger, over and out..


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