I need to write this, real quick

There’s something that’s been hanging around my computer area for a few weeks. It’s a brochure from the National Guard, inviting me to join. On the front, it has a big picture of a race car driver. The caption says,

CASEY MEARS™ NEEDS
A FEW NEW DRIVERS
ON HIS TEAM.

Other captions say,

AS A TEAM, WE BRING POWER,
SPEED, AND VICTORY TO AMERICA.

and

Love racing? Want to keep up with Casey Mears™? Join Casey’s Platoon, a unique fan club devoted to the National Guard’s official NASCAR driver and renowned racing hero.

This guy has a trademark sign after his name. As soon as I saw his name, I hated him. I will never have a favorable opinion of anyone who trademarks his name. Now, I’m informed, he’s taken up a partnership with the National Guard. (“Hendrick Motor Sports is proud to announce its newest winning partnership – the Army National Guard and Casey Mears™.”) Inside the brochure, there’s a picture of three National Guard soldiers gathered around Casey Mears™, standing in front of his car. Casey™, in full racing regalia, carrying his helmet, is beaming radiantly, and the three soldiers are gazing sycophantically into his magical aura while simultaneously putting up their smarmiest front for the beneficent and infallible National Guard. All the writing in the brochure gives the impression that if I don’t think Casey Mears™ is a god among men, then I’m tragically deprived and I should immediately remedy the situation by enlisting in the Guard and joining this loving and devoted fan club.

The National Guard thinks this will get me to join in? I guess that tells me what they think about teenagers: they’re obsessed with sports and famous people, and they’ll join a fan club at a moment’s notice without regard for other responsibilities entailed, as long as their sportsperson of choice is sure to notice them and be their friend. I was never going to enlist in the Guard anyhow, but if there had been any chance beforehand that I might, this brochure would have immediately let me know never to even consider it. Amazing that in just one brochure, while trying to do the exact opposite, the Guard has made me hate them with such a passion. I suppose that’s an accomplishment in itself.

Sorry. I just noticed that brochure on the floor and realized I had to get this off my chest. Thank you for paying attention during my rant; I hope it was as much fun for you as it was for me. Sometime later, possibly today or tomorrow, I’ll write about graduation and such.

File under: irrelevancies, bad culture


Anonymous

History

Loved your post!

That’s about as logical as the one that makes me rant: How can you “Save big money” at Menards without SPENDING BIGGER money????

Aunt E.

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Anonymous

History

Way to go, Nathanael! Love your way of thinking. I think Grinnell will be good for you. Bet they would encourage that kind of thinking, unlike your “compound”. Grandma

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Anonymous

History

Smarmy promotional methods aside, the Guard was good for your dad. Can’t beat the benefits, either. I know it isn’t for you, but your dad profited well from it and from the military in general. It grew him up.

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Anonymous

History

The National Guard is a good fit for some people and it is a bad fit for others. The joy is, that in the USA everyone gets to make their own decision. I have known people who joined the National Guard and really liked it and I have known people who could not wait to get out and others who just said no way. As an adult, you get to decide and isn’t that great. GPa

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